I QUIT!!!!! So I have been pondering a lot the last few days about my habits and choices. I have been so disgusted and ashamed of my behavior over, well over a lifetime actually! I have been an emotional eater for many many years. Food has been my drug of choice for as long as I can remember. Well as I was headed to the Dr. yesterday, I was afraid. I was embarrassed. I was afraid of learning that my habits and bad choices were finally catching up to me in the form of diabetes. I am still waiting to hear back from the Dr. on my sugar levels and if in fact I do have this disease. I am 40 years old. Pathetic!!!! I was worried that he would be disgusted and disappointed in me as a person, even though I have never met this person in my life. Well today I decided I have to do something drastic, so I quit! I have quit many many times in the past, quit working out, quit eating healthy, quit trying, quit believing, etc! Well today I am going to quit feeling sorry for myself! I am going to quit obsessing over what I eat! I am going to quit feeling bad when I fail! I am going to quit giving up when I stumble! I am going to quit telling myself I am hopeless! I am going to quit hating my body! I am going to quit believing that I can't and start believing that I can! I am going to quit listening to others tell me what my worth is! I am going to quit doing things to harm my body and my soul! I am going to quit eating so many of the things that make me feel bad so much! I quit dreaming of what I want and I am working for it instead! I quit trash talking myself and everything I do wrong! I quit giving up on me! I am worth the work and the love that it will take to get myself to a better place. I am worth quitting!!!! I QUIT!!! I know it will take baby steps and work and sweat and tears and failure, but I am quitting! I can!

Another week gone....

Well, this week we said goodbye to Bob for work. He had to go work on a location for a few days. He is home tonight, but leaving for a few more days starting tomorrow. I really hate having him gone. We have had a friend here, he started work with Bob. Billy is his name. He has been staying in our basement. There is not a whole lot to do out here so I think he is pretty bored when he isn't working. We have snow on the ground still, so that is making it miserable for me. I am soooo ready for spring. I want to start planting my little seedlings and getting ready for summer. I love the summer so much. It seems kind of like the world up here goes into hybernation during the winter and then things pick back up again in the summer. I have a hard time being inside so much. I like to be out. Our Semi truck that we bought is finally working. It has taken everything and then some to get it going. I sure hope it pays off in the end. It has been stressful. I am sure I probably shouldn't be sharing all this like a journal, but I think when I have the book at the end of the year to print out it will be nice to have the memories, and to remember that life isn't perfect, but we survived it anyway! :) Maybe I will get my act together and have a better someting to report and some pictures next week to post. For now, this is all I got. Good night!

CAKE!!!!

Okay so last week was Libby's 9th birthday! :) Ashton had a basketball game too. As I was looking at my supplies to make Lib's cake I found some orange candy melts. The wheels in my head started to turn, I had a brilliant idea......ha ha! I decided to use them up and make cake pops for the basketball team. I did get them done and was going to make cupcakes for Lib's class treat. She originally wanted cake pops for her class, so I decided to kill two birds with one stone and make horse cake pops. By the time it was her Birthday and I had to make her cake I was burnt to a crisp, fried on making cake!!! I was going to make her cake the day before her birthday but Bob wanted me to go to Minot with him, so that left it for the day of. I woke up with a terrible migraine on her birthday, so let's just say the cake was not like I had pictured in my mind, but she liked it so yay! I am just so happy it is all over! It was a crazy week of cake, cake, cake! :)

Run because you have been blessed with the ability.

So I was going to start this week with pictures of my kitchen cupboards that I painted, but I kinda started to think that maybe this week I just need to write. I lost my cousin 2 days ago. She had a disease that made her lose the ability to walk, use her motor skills, and even not be able to talk very well. When I was younger I didn't really understand what this disease would do to her. It is a progressive disease that has developed worse and worse over time. It is kind of strange the attitude I have about her and about special needs people because of her. Even though I didn't understand it all, I never thought of her as being anything but a person. She was just like you or I. She had feelings, dreams, a life just like ours. She had 2 children. She lived a pretty amazing life considering the challenges she faced. I am amazed and inspired by her. I don't remember a time that I saw her that she didn't have a smile on her face. She was beautiful all the way through. My heart is breaking for my Aunt and for my cousins, also for her children and her husband. It will be a very difficult loss. I actually really go to thinking about her this morning in another way. I have been getting fatter and fatter, and lazier and lazier. I read a quote today about how when I want to stop running, I run for those who can't run because I know they would do that for me. I have been so pathetic, not taking advantage of this body I have been blessed with. I am actually pretty healty for the most part. I can walk, I can exercise, I can eat healthy. There are so many other people who are not afforded these privliges. Maybe I should try harder. I started yoga and my elliptical yesterday, a new beginning. It is time for me to appreciate what I have been blessed with.

I spoiled my family this weekend with homemade tamales and eggs with pork chile gravy. It was delicious and worth all the hard work. Ashton was finally able to enjoy the meal after being sick with the stomach flu for 3 days. I have not made tamales for years. It was not as hard as I thought it would be, I guess after years of cooking I am just used to working in the kitchen! :)

Stone barn frost and fog

Here is a foggy day at the stone barn. I hope to go out next week after we get more snow and take one of it with the snow. I just think it is such a cool building. I absolutely love it! :)

Here is a sunset over the stone barn we have here nearby! I just think it is such a beautiful barn and I love to go take pictures of it. :)